A particularly ugly fart usually to be heard in the halls of political establishments, party headquarters or radio interviews, The Milliband is a fart that has an ugly flavour but has a sweet overtone in the hope it can be disguised. Not at all popular with the general public - only 20% think its interesting-  it has an odour of old english green leather, polished wood and Oxford academia.

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A Scrotum Lemur is one of those small tickly farts that never seems to leave your posterior but instead clings onto your sack or butt valley, rather like a small bubble. It sits there tickling, until such time you squeeze your cheek muscles and then it pops out in a hurry wherever it feels it wants too. The sensation is rather like what a tree would feel when a small lemur is clinging onto it. Usually a Scrotum Lemur can only be felt if one is sweating profusely through manual work or one has just vacated the shower. Thus it is common on building sites, in gyms, during DIY tasks and in most domestic showers. If produced by females it can also be known as a Labia Sloth.

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Sounding much like White's Tree Frog, the Tree Frog fart is a fruity and rubbery sounding fart, low in tone with a squeaky highlight, it has a somewhat elastic quality. It sounds quite a bit like a malfunctioning trigger spray. This fart is usually found coming out of males over 40, whose butt muscles are somewhat relaxed when compared to a younger man. To pull this one off you do need to have a certain middle aged looseness of the lower body and a slight beer gut. Eating cottage cheese or bagels with soft cheese and chorizo slices seems to help one produce a Tree Frog. Not harmful and not smelly but fun all the same.

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The Gingrich is a guff that is mainly produced by US politicians in TV interviews. It is often controversial, inappropriate and can offend whole nations. Many think it was an invented guff but indeed it does exist and is rife amongst older US presidential republican candidates. Due to its offensive nature producing a Gingrich gas biscuit can be viewed as a racist slur in some areas. Sometimes known as the Newt.

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The Kreil is a rather upper class and arrogant fart that doesn't have much quality to it. It is rather brash and showy and can be the ultimate turn off for the female gender. It tends to be dealt out by rich banking types who tend to look down on normal folk especially women. The Kreil is pervasive in the City and is not at all charming. It smells of a cross between Audi Interior, Expensive Sushi, Caviar and Rolled up £50 notes. Its is sometimes known as the Lobster Kreil due to its fishy smell.

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The GWP is a rather loud and fruity offering, it has a wholesome country style giving all the joys of the farm in a neat and comprehensive 3 second package. It smells both ripe and meaty and is usually an early morning guff that is let go on awakening. Either gender can produce a GWP. I had a fine example this morning delivered onto my thigh by my wife, who proceeded to grin with pride, much like a cheshire cat only more smelly.

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Sometimes heard on live television the "Clarkson" is a somewhat brash guff that is usually dealt out by famous presenters. It can cause offence amongst some members of the general public, however some find it extremely funny. You either love a "Clarkson" or you hate it. To produce a "Clarkson" correctly one must brew up a fair amount of biscuit gas then let rip at an inappropriate moment shocking ongoers, at the last minute, due to the extreme outrage caused, one must then apologise and attempt to suck the gas back in, although this can often fail as the damage has already been done.

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The WubWubWub is found solely in town centres and on council estates usually late at night during the summer. It has a unique regular acoustic signature that resembles the bassy beat of a large 12" subwoofer. Usually found emanating from slammed Max Power styles automobiles it is a punchy guff produced by the reaction between Red Bull and a Rustlers burger. If the automobile is moving then the WubWubWub appears to grow in volume as the harsh suspension rattles the guffees stomach into producing more gas. Can sometimes be heard in more upmarket areas after 2am as the guffee uses the area as a rat run to avoid the police when going home. Sometimes called the "Dump Valve" or the "0-60".

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The Windy Bush roams as a free spirit wherever there are earth and tree lovers in the vicinity, produced by the reaction between couscous, lentils, mead and small holding produce, the Windy Bush is a light, airy and non threatening guff which has shades of willow-the-wisp about it. It smells very earthy much like wild mushrooms and is often found hovering around a Citroen 2cv or a VW Combi. It can also be found once a year darting around the air during the Summer Solstice at Stonehenge, where sometimes it can give off a purple haze and flowery scent when contact is made with a hand rolled herbal cigarette

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The Wheel Gun is a high pitched guff found hovering round nuts in most professional race series pit lanes. It is unmistakable in sound and has quite a high velocity compared with other farts. It hovers near to the ground and is really only active when disturbed by the airflow of an incoming racing automobile. If there is a build up of Wheel Nut gas there can be conflagration as witnessed in Jos Verstappen's pit stop a few years back. Sometimes it can build up and be breathed in by notable racing dignitaries which leads to changing voice pitch and copious gassing in interviews on live television. On rare occasions it can be caught up in the sidepods and then explode due to heat build up as seen in 2011 with the Renault.

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A guff with over 99% follow through potential, the "Wet" is usually to be seen happening outside of pubs and clubs at closing time or maybe outside an inner city kebab shop. Usually brought on by stomach defects caused by food poisoning or eating peanuts off the counter that have been contaminated by unwashed hand of drunk, it has a gargling slurpy sound much like a washing machine pump out or the sound of strangulation in a B movie. This is quite possibly the most gross guff in existence and leads to copiously soiled underwear that would cause all well known detergents to grow legs and run away. Utterly disgusting and causes spontaneous retching in over 55% of individuals who witness it. Smells of a mixture of sick, spicy lamb, onions, garlic, warm beer and Persil.

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